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This is a very common phenomenon. Overall, we are satisfied with ourselves and our lives.
Then we see someone else doing even better. We begin to question our job, our choices, and even ourselves. How did we get to this point, and why do we value someone who is enjoying life so much?
It is difficult not to compare ourselves to others in the face of the incessant flow of information and photos that reach us about the lives of others, whether on our smartphone or on television. It is difficult not to Feeling jealous when we're at the office and see an Instagram post of someone on vacation on a Greek island with turquoise waters, dancing the night away with a drink in hand.
Unfortunately, our minds struggle to think in terms of absolutes. Instead, they use points of reference to evaluate things. A reference point is an existing standard against which all future information is compared. For example, let's say you earn around €50,000 a year. That's a great salary for you. But when you learn that your colleague's salary is €80,000, you lose some of your satisfaction. This is the sad reality of benchmarks.
Do benchmarks affect our daily happiness? Yes, absolutely. We refer to and compare ourselves to two benchmarks in particular. The first is our past. We compare our current salary to our previous salary, which may be higher or lower. We compare our current relationship to our previous relationships, our current car to our previous cars, and so on. What was our level of happiness then compared to today?
The other point of reference we use a lot, and probably the one that affects us the most, is the situation of others. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and many other social media platforms show us the lives of hundreds, if not thousands, of other people. Television and countless news media also expose us to different perspectives and points of view.
Social media leads to social comparison, which in turn leads to lower self-esteem. We use these people as benchmarks against which we compare our careers, our bodies, our hobbies, and more. Research shows that the impact on us is almost always negative.
Adyashanti, a spiritual guide and author, teaches that happiness comes from awakening, and that awakening can only occur once we reach a point in our lives where we no longer have points of reference.
So, how do you get rid of it? One of the most fundamental tactics is to avoid social comparison. Other people are the worst kind of reference point, especially in the age of social media. The most effective solution would be to delete your social media apps. But if you don't want to do that, take control of the content on your phone. Unfollow any accounts that make you feel insecure or bad about yourself. Limit screen time and consume less content. It may be difficult, but it's a crucial step in freeing yourself from reference points.
Reflecting on past reference points can also be helpful. If we could go back in time and relive certain moments from our past, we would realize that the present isn't so bad. Imagining what life was like before we enjoyed certain luxuries or sources of happiness can really help put things into perspective. Observing other, less fortunate reference points is also effective. If your job seems drastic, imagine what it's like to be unemployed and struggling to make ends meet.
Finally, make sure you continue practicing gratitude. Gratitude prevents social comparison and instead allows us to appreciate the best aspects of our lives. After all, while comparison robs us of our joy, gratitude eliminates our jealousy.