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We often talk about “toxic emotions,” but what exactly are they?
Anger, guilt, shame, anxiety, fear, self-loathing, regret, bitterness, and resentment—these feelings are anything but positive for our lives or mental well-being. They are all toxic emotions, not only for ourselves but also for everyone around us, both in our personal and professional lives. If left unchecked, toxic emotions can impact our mental and physical health. Fortunately, there are many ways to manage these emotions and align our thoughts with positive patterns.
To protect yourself and your loved ones from the consequences of excessive negativity, start by understanding how your emotions influence the world and how the world influences your emotions. It's a two-way relationship, or rather, a web of connections. No wonder they say it's easier to catch an emotion than a cold.
Why do we experience toxic emotions so often?
Research on several behaviors and emotions, both good and bad, has shown that they can be contagious. For example, one study on how negativity affects a person's internal chemistry found that sharing negative impressions about someone else was a particularly effective way to bring people together. In other words, hostile feelings toward the same person encourage an emotional bond. 1 It is doubtful, however, that this initial bond can provide a healthy foundation for a lasting friendship. This is probably a relic of a primitive era when survival depended, among other things, on the establishment of alliances between small groups of humans and the designation of groups outside these alliances as "enemies."
Today, this model has become dysfunctional, with the risk of having the opposite "anti-survival" effect. In other words, what once contributed to our survival has become a force that attracts negative people and bad influences into our lives. This finding adds to independent research that has shown that a single negative experience can double our risk of being unhappy. 2
How to manage toxic emotions?
Fortunately, joy and kind acts are also contagious. Just as you can learn to manage toxic emotions, you can also learn to experience more positive emotions. The effects of a kind act can resonate through complex social connections, reaching people you may never meet. 3 Better yet, know that for every “happy” person around you, your chances of being happy yourself increase by almost 10%. 4 We tend to attract into our lives the thoughts and emotions we focus on. Furthermore, a primitive instinct to mimic the expressions, body language, and speech patterns of those around us makes us even more susceptible to being "contaminated" by the emotions of those we spend the most time with. 5
There is no doubt that our emotions affect those around us, and those around us affect our emotions. 6 It follows naturally that if you surround yourself with people who dwell on negative experiences and toxic emotions, it won't be long before you align yourself with the same thoughts and experiences.
Conversely, if you spend your time with people who focus on joy, gratitude, happiness, and other positive emotions, you will notice that your own thoughts and emotions will align with positive things, people, experiences, ideas, and concepts.
This principle is easiest to apply at home, since that's where we have the most control over our lives. We choose who can enter our home, what music we listen to, and what channel we watch on television. These environmental factors may seem trivial, but they can have a fundamental impact on our emotional state.
After a stressful day, return home to your personal sanctuary and spend time with positive-minded loved ones, listen to uplifting music, watch an upbeat program, read a self-help book, or engage in any other relaxing activity. This will realign your thoughts to positive frequencies and reduce the risk of being overwhelmed by toxic emotions.
How to manage toxic emotions at work?
In the office, you'll need a little more practice to avoid being contaminated by toxic emotions. Indeed, it's not always possible to choose the people around us in this environment. Whether it's a superior yelling at their subordinates or a colleague gossiping about team members, it's not always possible to avoid negativity in the workplace.
When faced with a profusion of toxic emotions, reinforce your positive thoughts by seeking out colleagues who are willing to maintain a positive outlook and a cheerful attitude in the office. This is still the best attitude to adopt to avoid being contaminated by the surrounding negativity. By investing time and energy in these types of relationships, your good deeds and positivity will spread throughout the office and counterbalance the negativity. You will feel the snowball effect of such a strategy as more colleagues refuse to dwell on toxic thoughts and reap the benefits of a positive attitude. This will reduce office stress and increase positive emotions, leading to more fruitful cooperation, reduced conflict, and improved work performance. 7
Whether at the office, at home, in a bar with friends, or at a restaurant with new acquaintances, always remember that you don't need to react to every negative influence you encounter.
Negative people like to draw others into their negativity. When you think about toxic emotions, you probably recall a conversation where you were encouraged to complain about another person or situation. The next time this happens, remember that you don't have to react. You don't have to acquiesce and let negative emotions fester. You also don't have to confront the person, which could lead to an argument.
What if you can't avoid a toxic person or environment?
If you have no choice but to be around people who exude toxic emotions, the best solution is simply not to let negative comments influence you. Take a moment to examine your own thoughts and don't lose sight of your desire to focus on positive thoughts and experiences.
When possible, remove yourself from the situation promptly but politely. At the office, simply say you have some work to finish quickly. At a party, you can pretend you're going to get a drink.
Like germs, emotions are contagious. And if you're not careful, you could be infected with toxic emotions without even realizing it. The best way to strengthen your immunity against toxic emotions is to surround yourself with people who consciously align their thoughts with positive frequencies.
- Bosson, Jennifer K., Amber B. Johnson, Kate Niederhoffer, and William B. Swann. “Interpersonal Chemistry through Negativity: Bonding by Sharing Negative Attitudes about Others.” Personal Relationships 13, no. 2 (2006): 135–50. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2006.00109.x [ ↩ ]
- Hill, Alison L. et al. “Emotions as Infectious Diseases in a Large Social Network: The SISa Model.” Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences 277.1701 (2010): 3827–3835. PMC. Web. May 3, 2017 [ ↩ ]
- James H. Fowler and Nicholas A. Christakis. “Cooperative behavior cascades in human social networks.” PNAS 2010 107 (12) 5334-5338; published ahead of print March 8, 2010, doi:10.1073/pnas.0913149107 [ ↩ ]
- Christakis, Nicholas A and James Fowler. “SOCIAL NETWORKS AND HAPPINESS.” SOCIAL NETWORKS AND HAPPINESS | Edge.org, nd https://www.edge.org/conversation/social-networks-and-happiness [ ↩ ]
- Colino, Stacey. “Are You Catching Other People’s Emotions?” US News & World Report, nd https://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2016-01-20/are-you-catching-other-peoples-emotions [ ↩ ]
- Larson, Reed W. and David M. Almeida. “Emotional Transmission in the Daily Lives of Families: A New Paradigm for Studying Family Process.” Journal of Marriage and the Family 61, no. 1 (1999): 5. https://doi.org/10.2307/353879 [ ↩ ]
- Barsade, Sigal G. “The Ripple Effect: Emotional Contagion and Its Influence on Group Behavior.” Administrative Science Quarterly 47, no. 4 (2002): 644. https://doi.org/10.2307/3094912 [ ↩ ]