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Our expectations sometimes doom us to failure.
When we think happiness lies elsewhere, we reduce our chances of being happy. Wanting what doesn't make us happy, growing tired of new things, and making poor predictions leave us dissatisfied. Rethink your happiness for more joy.
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If I had ___________…
If I could find ____________…
If I could do _______…
If I _______________________…
…THEN I would be happy.
You've probably thought this before. In today's society, it's not uncommon to have these kinds of thoughts, whether conscious or unconscious. Earning more money, buying a bigger house, having a perfect body, or achieving a higher status are goals that drive us to want more. Does the fulfillment of these desires lead to happiness or, on the contrary, to frustration and suffering?
When we desire things that don't make us happy, are prone to hedonic adaptation, or are poor at predicting outcomes, our minds are forced to search for happiness where it isn't really found. This is explained in the Yale University course, The Science of Well-Being (the science of well-being).
We desire things that don't make us happy
Advertisements tell us we need something, websites push us to consume, social media shows us what everyone else is doing, and culture teaches us what is essential—all for our happiness.
These institutions are often misleading because they encourage us to want things that don't truly make us happy. We are often led to believe that more is better, that expensive equals superior, and that quantity leads to happiness.
We get used to it (hedonic adaptation)
It's normal for the mind to get used to things; it's even helpful when there's a change in habits or environment. However, it's more annoying when it involves getting tired of new things.
For example, buying a new car can be exciting and make us happy for a while. But over time, the new car smell fades, the tires need replacing, the miles add up, and wear spots appear. We're no longer energized by the breath of fresh air the car brought us at first. This means we've overestimated how happy it will make us.
According to Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard University professor and psychologist and author of "Stumbling into Happiness," "Wonderful things are especially wonderful the first time they happen, but their wonder fades with repetition."
We are poor at predicting the results
Our minds tend to focus on a single outcome, and discount other possibilities, which often leads to poor predictions.
If we make a mistake at work, we think we'll get fired. If we don't get the best grades, we think we'll never find a good job. If we don't find true love after a certain age, we think we never will. This way of thinking is also often referred to as "dramatizing."
Conversely, we believe that a career promotion is the only way to succeed in our careers, that excellent grades will necessarily allow us to find a good job and that we absolutely must get married before a certain age to be happy.
If you tend to desire things that don't make you happy, to get bored, and to make bad predictions, know that these feelings and ways of thinking are normal, especially in our times.
Learn how to be happy by adopting two behavioral habits that can increase happiness levels.